How to prepare for a lap dance.

The following advice is not to be used during a strip club shift, but for home purposes only, between you and your man.

Firstly I must stress about the desired shoes your going to wear, if the heel isn’t bigger than 6 inches, then sit your ass down you do not qualify. Go to the nearest sex shop and get yourself some Perspex heels with glow in the dark $$$. Ohhh so ratchet!
If you have a pair of the correct type of shoes and you can’t walk in them, that’s perfectly fine, sometimes the off balance staggering can be disguised as some weird gyrating movement which of course you copied off of a Beyonce music video right?!
If you can walk in them, then give yourself a pat on the back. You my friend are heading to strip tease street where all ‘dancers’ get their freak on. It’s a fucking ball!
Secondly,
If you have no boobies (by no boobies I mean A/B cup) you must wear the most pushiest of push up bras, take the padding from all of your bras and fill it up, take the padding from your teddy bears, take the padding from your bloody pillow if needs be, but whatever you do, do not wear chicken fillets, that’s a disaster waiting to happen. Imagine giving your guy a sexy little strip tease, and flop there out pops your right chicken fillet and bounces off the floor into his glass, oh and now the dogs trying to eat it, shit the dog swallowed it, now you need to take your dog to emergency A&E because your vets is closed.. Can you see where I’m going with this? Do not wear chicken fillets!!!!
If you have small boobies like myself a C cup, then again girls, you need to pad the shit out of your bras, tighten the straps to the tightest point, wear the clasp of the bra on the tightest one, you want your boobies to try and sit under your chin okay, if you can’t smell the body glitter you used to enhance that ‘cleavage’ then there’s still room to push them up.
If you are a D/E cup, you were blessed by the holy saint of strippers, and you’ve put them to good use, I mean, there big enough so why not. *I’m currently slow clapping for you ladies*. (If you can afford a boob job, get a boob job to this size ladies, this is the perfect stripper size and all men love huge boobies!)
If you are F cup or bigger, then just wow, please remember to book yourself in for a back massage after, and be careful with how your throwing those titties about, you could cause serious damage to yourself or someone else. Last thing you want is when you’re giving your husband of 7 years a lap dance and your gigantic breasts hit him in the head, you accidentally knocks him out from the impact of those breasts thumping against his skull, eventually he gains conscience and has amnesia, he doesn’t know who the hell you are anymore! Oh dear!!
Thirdly,
What you wear, now you can’t get away with wearing butt padding, so if your arse is as flat as an ironing board then soz love, but squatting an hour before will not save you, only thing that will save you from the last minute nightmare of coming to terms that you have no ass is butt injections, I’m sure you can ask google for a home made recipe! No harm done.
You must wear something that screams out ‘I’m a horny slut that wants someone to fuck my brains out’ that is the look that you are going for. We are not going classy, oh no, no such thing in this day and age, the littler clothing on the body the better. You may want to start with a costume, do not go for the nurse, or the maid, or the teacher, or the school girl, they have all been and gone, everyone has done it. You want something that will stand out, if needs be dress up as big bird, and shake that tail feather. I have dressed up as a big ball of candy floss (not for stripping purposes), and got laid. The more extravagant the better ladies. Mermaids, nuns, Cleopatra, the world of fancy dress is your oyster. How ever underneath needs to be the teeny weenie underwear which will eventually be torn off your hot body by your hungry man!
Fourthly,
Music, this is essential, you need to put together a playlist, but you need to have the right kind of songs, ones that send the right message. We don’t want songs about love, because tonight you are not looking to make love. So go for typical songs like Britney Spears – Slave 4u, Lil Kim – How many licks, Sisqo – Thong song, Genuwine – Pony, you see where I’m going with this? We don’t want to hear R kelly – Bump and Grind or some love song ballad, no no no, the perfect song would be Khia – My Neck, My Back.
Finally,
Your moves, so your in your sky high heels, wearing a gypsy outfit with a thong so small on it’s giving your cheeks friction burn, you got the music at the ready, your mans sat on the chair and BAM the music is playing. Now you may be feeling nervous/scared/embarrassed or a little self conscious, and whys that you ask? It’s because if you haven’t done it before you know there’s girls that do this and do it really well, *helllllooooo*, and it’s more than likely your man has been to strip club or seen a stripper perform before, and you don’t have a clue what your about to do. The only advice I can give is;
– move slow, do not start busting out some ridiculous shapes, going all wild.
You need to seduce the vagina hungry male before you, not scare him by having what looks like an epileptic fit, okay!
– do not whip your hair unless you have good balance, or you are holding onto something, you will loose your balance, fall over, and die. (of embarrassment)
– guide his hands with yours, you are in control of this situation, let him touch where you want to be touched girl! Get him to spank you, better yet this could be perfect revenge and you can beat the crap out of him for forgetting your birthday!
– get in his personal space, get in there with your boobies, get in there with your ass, get in there with your vaj, if means be get in there with your toes, all up in his grill!!!!
– get physical, girl pull his hair to direct his head back, you move his legs into position that’s comfortable for you, using your feet to do it (with your heels on) is pretty fucking hot. You are dominating him (at the moment), take advantage of it, if it’s pay day ask him for some money to buy that amazing handbag! If my scientific striptease stats are correct then 9 times out of 10, you can get anything you want from him.
– shaking your bootay, religiously watch Beyonce music videos, and have a mantra like ‘I will perfect my booty shaking to Queen Beys standards’ preach that EVERYDAY!
– if all above fails, youtube! Youtube has the answer to every ‘how to..’ possible and I’m pretty sure a Tom, Dick or Harry has made a spectacular ‘How to dance sexy’ or ‘How to give a strip tease’ video waiting for you and your eyes to find it!

If you do not get laid from any of these tips, I’m sorry, it may have been your personal hygiene or he’s just not that into you.
If you did get laid by following my advice then oh my god I should have my own column in a magazine, because I totes was just taking the piss.

Chloe (The Stripper Guru)
x

Casually kicking balls!

Another fetish story here, this one is very disturbing! (Well at least at first it was because of the fetish itself is something id never heard of)
Anywaaaaaaaay
One lovely night in the not so lovely stripclub (just kidding), Chloe was doing her thaaang, slut dropping, twerking, booty shaking, booby jangling all over the place. Then a voice whispered into her ear “Chloe, you have a private dance”, so she seductively struts over to this guy, and leads him to the dreaded private room. *DUN DUN DUUUUN*
Upon walking into the room Chloe notices something’s not quite right about this guy, she sits him down and he’s nervously fidgiting, pulling at the sleeves on his shirt, touching his hair and making no eye contact whatsoever.
“The fuck is this ish”, Chloe says like a dragged up hoodrat, (I’m totally joking, I do not speak like that out loud, just in my head because I find everything’s a lot funnier with a ghetto accent!)
Chloe begins to try and make conversation with the poor boy but he wouldn’t, for the life of anybody make eye contact, and kept turning his head away from her. Eventually the boy manned up and said “I just want you to knee me in my…”, and points to his crotch.
Wow!
Chloe being ‘Real Name’ says “NOWAY! you can really damage yourself and it can stop you from having children”, but he then carries on to show Chloe his phone, minus the post stick note attached to the back of the mobile with contact numbers on it, it was a pretty decent phone, with a background picture of some sort of dragon alien monster, I’m not too sure, kind of thing.
He shows Chloe a web page, kind of like a forum with guys searching for girls to fulfil their fetish, well, the being kicked in the balls fetish. Chloe began to read through and realise that as long as it’s done properly, it’s not too damaging and apparently (now get this), it’s meant to give the guy the best orgasm he’s ever had once he’s had a wank after the kicking. Pain and pleasure kind of thaaaaang.

Chloe decided to run through some limits with the boy, and discussed what would happen, on agreeing with the session planned Chloe began to knee the boy in the crotch for 45 fucking minutes, that’s right, Chloe was too dopey to find out how long the dance was for. Her legs were aching so bad, sooo bad. She tried multiple of techniques to ease the pain but nothing, nothing would ease the muscle pains, so she counted 25 reps on each leg and swap it over, (Chloe left that room with legs like Arnold Schwarzenegger), the boy then let out another shocker, he wanted Chloe to stand on his thighs whilst in her stripper shoes. Now Chloe is petite, 5″3 size 6 kinda woman, but actually is a lot heavier than what she appears to which Chloe did inform the boy but he demanded her to do so, and to which she obliged, cringing the whole way through it, and unable to look at the poor boys face as her heels dig straight into his skin!
VOMIN’ELL
Soon after the 45 minutes had come to an end and the boy wanted to book Chloe for an additional 30 minutes, to which Chloe then refused, she felt too weirded out by the whole situation and could only imagine where it may lead up to, she politely refused and made up an excuse and left the room, she left the room $230 richer. ‘Ching Ching’.
Chloe couldn’t wait to get a few of the girls by themselves to tell them what the hell just happened.
25 minutes later…
Chloe finally has the girls all huddled and let’s them in on the story and the gory details, a girl named ‘Taylah’, began to tell Chloe that his mother rang the club to complain about the bruises that were left on her son. (This boy is 25, I do not know why his mother got involved but she did, and complained about the fetish her son has, weirdo!), Chloe began to worry and felt ashamed of what she had done, guilty if we must. She wanted to go back to the boy and cry and give him the tip back and refund the whole dance. Taylah really hurt Chloe’s feelings and made her feel like a damn right evil bitch, which she isn’t, she’s the total opposite (just stroking my ego better after reliving this story again, traumatised), Chloe really began to think what would happen, ‘would I have to go to court?’, ‘will there be hate groups hunting me down to hurt me?’ ‘Is his mum going to come here and attack me?’, Chloe got really worked up over the whole situation and began to freak out in a wave of panic and needed a time out. A different girl came over to Chloe called ‘Sheena’ and she laughed about the whole bullshit story that Taylah had told Chloe, Sheena began to tell Chloe about the boy and one of her own regular guys who has the same fetish and she educated Chloe on the whole ‘Ball Busting’ fetish. She says it’s more popular than you think, but guys tend to hurt themselves because they can’t find the right girl to help them with it. Sheena totally mended Chloe’s little broken heart and made her snap out of this ‘Oh shit Chloe’s having a break down’ moment. To which, she did, with in 3 minutes and 17 seconds Chloe was back, and back with a bad ass attitude, a ball busting, Taylah free, sassy, look at me attitude!

The boys mum never rang the club to complain that night, that was the utter most bullshit story ever, she did ring previously to complain (because of Taylah) but never since. Poor Chloe she isn’t the brightest of all sparks and is terribly gullible.
The boy does come back but Chloe likes to hide or push the other girls into doing the ‘private dance’ with him, only because she doesn’t think she can handle 45 minutes of leg exercising ever again!

The types of people who come to Strip Clubs

This may seem stupid to some people that I’m labelling or categorising the different people who come to the strip clubs, but in my defence I am the person (and I speak on behalf of every person that works in the Adult Entertainment Indstry) that has to put up with a lot of bull shit, day-in day-out, there’s always one arse hole and it seems he/she was put on earth to deliberately ruin people’s days, because of the ignorance this person so luckily holds as a great personality trait!
I mean, I know everyone has to deal with arse holes no matter what the job is that you do, it’s one of those things in life where no matter how much you complain about these arse holes and no matter how nice you act to them (even though you want to stab them in the eye with a fork) you can’t help but feel so angry afterwards. I salute all the people who let it go, and don’t get me wrong I don’t hold all the anger throughout my shift and become a miserable cow for the rest of the shift, I just rant about it to anyone that will listen until I’m satisfied that the hate I have towards them has converted to love, (which is never, really I won’t be satisfied until I get to line all the people up who disrespected me whilst parading about in the club, and give them all a piece of my mind, whilst horny whipping the shit out them until they cry blood, muahah evil!)
Firstly it’s certain girls, they pay to come and watch, yet they get offended by it, or they make snide remarks.
Are you that fucking stupid? Seriously?! Who on earth would go somewhere (pay for it) and get upset over it that much you feel the need to call me a slut? You just fucking paid me to be a slut!!! If I didn’t act like a slut you’d say ‘oh well that was shit’, and that’s embarrassing, imagine being called a shit stripper. I’m sure it’s borderline impossible to be a shit stripper. Taking your clothes off and gyrating around the place like your Beyonce, there’s nothing shit about that! But why? That’s my question, and if one day a girl stumbles across my blog who has done exactly what I just described or you feel that you would be that person, please, just please I beg of all your nasty stupidness to answer me why!
Brisbane was by far the worst for it! You walk into a place that says in bright neon lights ‘naked ladies’ ‘live dances’ ‘girls girls girls’ and it’s notoriously known for what it provides, so you don’t walk in expecting to see the cast of Neighbours sat having a cuppa do you?! You go in to see what’s being advertised! Soooo many times girls would walk in, and I’d be there dancing around in my kimono (which I devastatingly lost, boo!), so all that’s on show are my arms and legs, but oh my god their faces drop like a sack of spuds! It’s like I walked over and farted the worst fart possible and they caught the plague from it. Oh I’m sorry.. Do you want me to not strip even though you just paid me to do so? Hmmm.
Then it’s the jealous girls that come in with their boyfriends, you see them coming in, and before they notice you, you can see there giggly and curious to what there going to experience. Ohhhh as soon as she see’s you it’s a completely different story. I would have to go over and say hello, and show them how the place works, the boys are usually very polite because there intimidated (You are boys! Your scared of strippers!!), the girlfriends short answer you or stare at you or ignore you, so I like to touch them, I stroke her arms, take her over to a specific area, they hate it, I’ve ruined their night and I love it! Kill them with kindness!!! But girls have a secret language, we know when we’re being fake and bitchy. So it’s like rubbing salt in the wound when I’m super nice and paying her attention because really she wants me to die a painful death for even approaching them, and she’s quickly changed her mind on being in the venue, when it’s too late, you paid me to slut it up, and just for that I’m going to grind the shit out of you whilst your boyfriend watches in awe! *finger snapping, hair flick, strutting away*
That’s how I deal with the bipolar bitches, that’s their names since 2013 I tarnished them with my imaginary stripping tarnishing brush, and smothered them with it!
Only once have I ever experienced a really bad, and I mean I thought she was going to attack me, security dragged her out and I had to be locked in a room, kinda bad situation.
A girl and her boyfriend came in, really early it wasn’t even busy I think they were the first people in the place, and myself, Leigh and a few others where on the floor. The boyfriend asked how it works here and about prices for dances, now as this is happening the girlfriend is stood there observing, all seemed pretty normal, so I answered everything he wanted to know, I promise I wasn’t being slutty about any of it, just having a normal chat with them. As soon as he took her hand to lead her over, deeper into the depths of nakedness, I kid you not, she dropped to the floor screaming “get these fucking sluts away from me”, screaming it over and over and over, it’s sounded like she was being murdered brutally, on the floor kicking the shit out of her poor boyfriend who was trying to pick her up, Tom (security) came running in like ‘what the fuck is going on?’, at this point she’s stood back up, her boyfriends holding her back, she’s chucking sunglasses, her phone, her compact mirror at myself and Leigh, I was actually petrified this girl was a lot bigger than me, and she could eat me alive with out having to put much effort in, Toms shouting at me and Leigh to go and lock ourselves in a private room, to which it happily obliged and couldn’t have ran any faster, you could still hear all the commotion going on for at least another 10 minutes, I’m panicking thinking shreks going to break the door down any second and annihilate me, it was quite disturbing because you could hear her crying and screaming ‘why did you bring me here?’, but eventually we were allowed to free ourselves from the private room and everyone was so shocked at what just happened. FUCKING FRUIT LOOPS!, I do wonder if their still together, and wether she managed to hold it together for the next stripping experience she went on, who knows?!

My favourite arseholes (LIES there’s no such thing), but the ones I tolerate more are the girls who come in and just laugh, they just sit and laugh at you. No it’s not nice to be laughed at, especially by girls because girls notice all your flaws, all guys care about are boobs, ass and fanny, they don’t care about that birth mark, or the little bit of cellulite, or that your not stick thin, but the bitches who are sat their laughing (who also have those flaws), oh they notice it, they could probably spot a split end from a mile off, and because of that flaw it’s hysterical, it’s funnier than Britney’s break down appartently? At first when this happened it did make me so insecure, I used to stand there thinking something was really wrong with me, are my boobs saggy (at the age of 21 very unlikely), is my fanny gross (nope it’s not I have a neat fanny), I used to watch what the other girls would do when they had to put up with it (I don’t follow Sicily and jump off stage to give a bitch a hefty left hook, oh no, I’m not that kind of girl) but they used to sexually assault the girls eyes, like explicit shit that’s done on XXX porn films, they would spread them legs even wider, and say I have to give you a sex education lesson because you obviously have never seen a naked body before you frigit bunch of virgins, I on the other hand didn’t see the point in that, I simply would swan over to them and say, “your daddy doesn’t laugh” and give them a wink, nine times out of ten it works, and they soon leave, sometimes you get abuse but I shrug it off, I suppose I ask for it if I retaliate to them. So you either choose to ignore the laughing, or you come back at them with some cattiness! Meow!

It’s not always girls, guys can be utter tools aswell. I once had a guy and who booked me for a private when I moved to a new club in Victoria, and I went into the room, and explained how it works, if he wanted a lapdance he would have to pay extra if not then it’s a non-contact strip tease, couldn’t be explained any more simpler. Apparently not, “Well I want hand relief”, what the fuck?! So I reply very politely “Oh, well we don’t do anything like that here, it’s a strip club not a brothel and I’m not a prostitute, I’m a dancer, I’m sure if you ask the front desk they can tell you where a brothel is”, because believe it or not the amount of people who come into strip clubs and think they can get sex is ridiculous! But no this guy wasn’t taking no for an answer, and was getting very lairy with the situation, “I just paid $50 for a private dance, your telling me I’m not getting anything out of it?”, what sort of question is that? So I told him “You can leave by all means, I’m not keeping you here, the service your after we don’t provide, and besides, you’ve paid $50 to the club, do you really think I would give you a hand job for $50, that’s so offensive”, it shut him up, and he went with the non contact strip tease, which I was so thankful for because if he wanted to pay for the lap dance I wouldn’t be able to resist strangling him whilst he’s sat there in the chair. So I begin my dance and to be fair I wasn’t putting much effort in, I hated this prick, so I wanted him to feel like he’s wasted his money even more. He begins sighing, complaining about the music, tutting, rolling his eyes, looking on his phone. Enough was enough at this point, I told him “Your being very rude, if you don’t want to be here then leave”, I opened the door but he refused to leave, so I carried on and he started going on about films “so what’s the latest film you’ve seen”, I sat down, I’ve given up with this prick at this point, I tell him I don’t watch films, I read books, I recently read a book about a stripper who killed her clients and got away with it by saying it was self defence as guys would try to man handle her, I explained how it makes you question what you can get away with when in a private room and how guys mis judge you, time was up and he left without saying a word. I wanted to kick the shit out of him,I really did, but I just told him I’ll see him soon, with an innocent smile. I never seen him again, though he did come in recently and book a different girl and she left in tears, he was a prick to her and when the time was up in the private room he chucked $10 at her and told her she wasn’t even worth that much. It’s disgusting how a guy can do that, he has to pay for a woman’s attention and company to treat them like shit? I put it down to a weird fetish where he likes to degrade women to make him feel better because his wife left him when she realised he ain’t shit! Whether that’s true or not but I hope it is, I’m sending a viral high five out to that ex-wife!

The name callers are the fun ones if you feel like having a good argument with someone, I’ve been called so many things “Slut, Hoe, Bitch, Whore..” The list goes on and on. I used to reply with a simple “Oh fuck off you prick”, but it just eggs them on to do it more, so now I’m more of a “Well, you’ve just paid my rent to be a slut, so thank you”, or “oh babes, stop stroking my ego”, it’s weird how when you take it as a compliment or tell them that this means nothing to you other than money, they realise you don’t care and they shut up. They must imagine me rolling around naked on my bed back home covered in $$$ having a ball. I like to imagine that too, but I’m not that rich, just yet!
Name calling is pretty much expected, to people who aren’t open about their sexuality, or their sexual preferences and experiences, they have so much to learn, and when they are thrown into the most innocent place of all sexualness (yes I believe stripclubs are innocent) they refer to strippers as bitches and hoes, I can see where they get it from, god damn you America! But it’s actually a good experience for people who go there for the right reasons, and we do always get really nice people who are just intrigued or curious to what it’s all about. I’ve met some lovely lovely lovely women who tell me that I’ve got balls (not literally that would be weird) to do what I’m doing, and to keep going at it, high fives and hugs all round. Some girls come and question me because their interested in the industry and would like to give it ago but their too scared, and I find that so sad, there is nothing to be scared about once you’ve done it, and it’s a shame that people can’t accept the naked body, like they’re almost ashamed, we were born naked for crying out loud!!! Everyone has a naked body what is so wrong about it?
It is a weird circle to be involved in, it’s ‘wrong’ for a woman to dance around wearing next to nothing for money, so wrong people pay good money to see, then it’s the pricks who spectate to make you feel bad about what you do, yet they come to watch because they want to, not because they were forced they were curious to what it’s all about, and if they’re lovely people they still pay to see a naked body, and we go back to the begin.
To all the people who come in with amazing attitudes, I love you! I actually love you, you make me enjoy my shifts even more than normal! I hope you all have the best sex lives and keep boning your partners until your 99, and live happily and healthy for the rest of your lives!
You other bastards on the other hand, I hope you catch a really bad case of gonorrhoea and your private parts suffer for the rest of your lives, and people laugh at you!

I feel like I’ve just sat and spoken to a shrink for the last hour and a half and I will be able to sleep peacefully!
Chloe xx

Chloe, Thongs and Perfect Pole Tricks

I’m going to take it back to the very first ‘stripping’ experience, it was in Sydney, Kings Cross to be exact, (I can feel the eyes rolling from the Australian readers), for you people who don’t know about Kings Cross, it’s famously known for its Strip clubs, brothels, drug users and abusers and a fucking wild night out, all of it lives up to its standards. It’s a typical British night out, girls asleep in doorways, boys pissing wherever they feel looks like it could do with a coating of urine, junkies fighting and begging for a dollar, hookers hustling outside on the streets, girls unable to walk in their kitten heels (kitten heels seem to be a thing out here *VOM*), boys hanging from signs or pestering a girl whose clearly 10 years their junior, but no nakedness, they lack in naked people running about everywhere. It’s just busy, busy busy busy! I worked in a strip club, as a waitress/bar girl
I promise you, but I had never been in a strip club all my life! Never ever! I felt slightly embarrassed that I worked there and people would ask “oh where is it that you work?” And when I say they would be like “oh your a stripper?” And my face would say it all. I never saw the attraction to strip clubs or to strippers,
In my weird yet wonderful head stripclubs were full of rich perverts and strippers were desperate drug abusers or just sluts who will steal your man. but after 10 minutes of working there and seeing my first ever show, I completely changed my mind, I not the kind of person to admit in being wrong but I throw my hands up in defeat, I was in utter awe and I became obsessed with it. The girls name was ‘Paige’, she was older, and quite big build (doesn’t sound very stripperish?) she was hands down one of the best entertainers I had ever seen, I mean she was getting guys on the stage, setting them on fire, setting her boobs and fanny on fire, horny whipping the life out of them and having the favour returned, making them hold vibrators on the head and she would tease them, it was crazy, I loved working there all the girls were so different, and some a lot more entertaining/sluttier/scarier than others,I even witnessed my first ever stripper fight, one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen ‘Sicily’ she was an amazing dancer, she was on stage, and these two girls were shouting at the front of the stage really mean things, she jumped off and knocked one girl clean out, it silenced the whole room, she got back on stage and carried on like nothing happened, I was literally like ‘What. The. Fuck’, you had the ‘Twins’ (not really twins, one was a big girl a white and the other was tiny and mixed race, but whatever, each to there own), despite the name, they put on the best lesbian show, abusing so many men who had come in to watch, but they loved it, and there was ‘Kaci’, I’m so sure she was just off being a dwarf she was tiny, but holy shit! She worked that pole like a pro, then I found out she is, she won heaps of pole competitions. There was ‘Mandy’ blonde hair, huge boobs, ‘Skylar’ gorgeous Asian, ‘Sara’, busty Canadian, ‘Bama’, 6ft, covered in tattoos, but her shape is straight up 10, ‘Penny’ the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. I was surrounded by so many beautiful talented women, watching their shows and thinking ‘I could probably do that’ but like fuck I would, I did get up on stage before, I got set on fire for Paige’s act, when your drunk it doesn’t hurt, but when your sober, my god I thought I had third degree burns! The girls always used to say to me “won’t be long before your on the stage, we’ve all made bets on how long”, at-least they were kinda wrong I suppose. I stopped working there after a while I had enough money to move on from Sydney, it turns out that luckily I did, the following night one of the rooms had caught fire, I believe it was Paige’s fault, and that’s karma for burning my fucking chest!
Next stop, Queensland
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